For almost every relationship that did not work out, there were red flags that we did not or refused to see but chose to ignore.
We were most times carried away by our emotions, scared of being alone, scared we wouldn't have a better person in our lives, scared of age and time passing by or probably scared that we won't have someone else in our lives.
According to Psychologist Madeleine Mason Roan-tree, a red flag is "something your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity or interest towards the relationship.
Ignoring these red flags and simply refusing to see them, can easily make one accept or settle for anything, endure what we shouldn't or wouldn't have ordinarily endured and these in most cases lead to either emotional or physical abuse.
A relationship that should be enjoyed is now endured making you too careful not to hurt the other person so he or she does not quit and you end up alone instead of actually being yourself in that relationship.
I have realized in life that feeling lonely and being alone are two different things in life. These two are both conditioned by our state of mind. One can be harmful while the other can be helpful in a great way. This will be treated in the next article.
HERE ARE SOME RED FLAGS NOT TO BE IGNORED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
1. CONFLICTING VALUES : When two people come together, they are bound to have different opinions. preferences, perspectives and views in life. There are conflicting values that can be managed and some that can not be managed at all.
2. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL : Emotional blackmail is a dysfunctional way of manipulating others into doing what you want. A person who uses emotional blackmail creates fear, guilt and sometimes obligation to manipulate the other person. In relationships, emotional blackmailers use the knowledge they have about their victim to blackmail the person. An example of such knowledge is fear of being alone or loosing the relationship.
3. LACK OF COMMUNICATION : When communication in a relationship is one sided or no communication at all, then it is a red flag. When you are truly in love, you can't stay for days how much more months without communicating with with your significant other. If this is the case in any relationship, then it's most likely he/she is constantly communicating with someone else.
4. LINGERING PAST RELATIONSHIP ISSUES : Unresolved issues in past relationships can pose as a red flag in a relationship. If your significant other has unresolved issues in a past relationship, then you need to watch out. This can make him or her be in constant touch with their exes which may also lead to problems in your relationship.
5. INSECURITY : Insecurity in relationships can pose serious problems for that relationship and should be seen as a red flag. If you feel insecure or your partner feels insecure in the relationship then it should be resolved as soon as possible by talking over it but where this is not done or seems impossible to do then it should be seen as a red flag.
6. LACK OF TRUST : If you can't trust your partner or he/she can't trust you, then its a red flag. Insecurities in every relationship should be discussed and handled with care. Some insecurities in relationships a caused by the other partner while some partners just get insecure for no reason. If this can't be handled or tolerated in any way, then it's a red flag.
7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS KEPT A SECRET : If your relationship is kept a secret from friends and families of your significant other, then its a red flag. The relationship might be kept a secret to the eye of the general public to protect it in some way but if a single friend of your partner does not know about you two then its a serious red flag that should not be taken for granted.
8. UNDEFINED RELATIONSHIP : A relationship that is undefined is as good as dead. You can't be dating for months or years and yet the relationship remains undefined, leading nowhere. There is no exclusivity in the relationship or any form of commitment in the relationship and when you try to raise that up, your partner becomes defensive or offended, then its a red flag.
9: NO DATES: No dates or hanging out but only meeting indoors in his/her house is a red flag too. It's good to go out in the open once in a while but where this is not initiated at all or any time you do and your partner turns it down, then its no good sign. Where there is no commitment or exclusivity in any relationship, there will hardly be dates or outings in that relationship because in most cases, your partner does not want to be seen with you for reasons best known to him/her.
10. CHEATING : Incessant cheating is a red flag in every relationship. When your partner cheats on you consistently, you decide whether to continue or not, whether to ignore or tolerate. Whatever decision you take, you are responsible for the consequences. For me, cheating is is no go area for me. If you did it once, and did not stop but kept on, you will keep doing it even in marriage.
11. LIES : If a person lies about little inconsequential things then it's a red flag. It only indicates they will lie about everything including big stuffs. I was with a guy who came for a visit once and received a phone call that someone was looking for him and his response was "Tell him am in Abuja to see a senator."😃 That turned me off immediately and I was like "why don't you just say you are not around and get in touch once you get back?. If you ignore every little lie told you, then the lies will keep going on and growing. As a person reading this, if you find yourself lying about every little thing in your relationship, then its a red flag for you too. It indicates you are not safe or secure in that relationship.
12. ONE SIDED DESIRE TO BE WITH YOUR PARTNER : There are relationships were only a partner has the desire to be with the other person. You crave to be in the company of your partner but he/she hardly feels same. Always giving excuses of not being with you then it's a red flag. The desire should be mutual. When you truly love, you would always want to be around that person.
13. VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE : In most cases, physical abuse starts from verbal abuse. If your partner is always abusing and insulting you, there is the tendency that he/she would raise hands on you some day. None of these forms of abuse is to be taken lightly and should be seen as red flags. You are much better alone than to be with an abusive partner. There are women who are so good at verbal abuse that they can bring men down to the lowest level with their words.
14. SELFISHNESS : If your partner displays acts of selfishness in any form, then its a red flag. Such acts of selfishness include placing his/her needs above yours, one-sided giving where you do all the giving financially and otherwise etc. All these are red flags not to be ignored.
Some red flags can be talked over and corrected while some can't be corrected . The best thing to do in every relationship when red flags are spotted is to kindly and respectfully talk about them and if your partner loves you and is committed to the relationship, he/she will be ready to adjust and amend his/her ways but where this is impossible to achieve, then its best not remain in that relationship tolerating what brings you pain all the time.
What red signs have you experienced or currently see, share them so others learn and we can also talk about the.
Quote for the day - "Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up in the wrong destination."
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