In the preceding part of compatibility in relationships, we looked at what compatibility is and what you should do before getting into a relationship in order to know what you want in relationships so compatibility does not become an issue for you in relationships.
Read here https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com compatibility-in-relationships.html
Read here https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com compatibility-in-relationships.html
In today's write up, we will be looking at spiritual and physical compatibility.
SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY : Spiritual compatibility is a very sensitive area in relationships that people often take for granted or ignore in relationships. Incompatibility spiritually has led to some issues in marriages if not failed marriages and sometimes causing confusion in the minds of children where to belong except one person and in most cases the woman compromises.
Intending couples fail to explore each other's spirituality or views as regards religion resulting to issues in marriage.
Take a case scenario of a Christian lady marrying a Muslim man. It's either she compromises her faith and converts to the man's religion or the man lets her maintain her faith. Now, if the man lets her maintain her faith, when children start coming in and as they grow older, some will be Muslims while some Christians. You will hardly see any form of spiritual growth in that family. They would hardly come together to pray as a family with each member having a different faith. This affects the vision or commitment of each partner in their faith.
A pastor once gave a story of a lady who was in choir and sang beautifully well while in choir, but when it was time for her to get married, she got married to a Muslim man and that was the end of her singing career.
It is important you take into consideration your God given purpose in life when choosing a life partner so your purpose does not suffer or die completely and for that not to happen, never take lightly spiritual compatibility in your relationship.
Even within the same faith (as Christians) there is incompatibility. When it comes to denominations, there are different forms of worship even if we all profess to be Christians. Not every one is comfortable with the way of worship of some churches. Some people feel because we are all believers, getting married to a believer will be alright or that because he is a christian or from a christian background, it will be okay to get married to him or her. Well, it's way beyond that.
A pastor once gave a story of a lady who was in choir and sang beautifully well while in choir, but when it was time for her to get married, she got married to a Muslim man and that was the end of her singing career.
It is important you take into consideration your God given purpose in life when choosing a life partner so your purpose does not suffer or die completely and for that not to happen, never take lightly spiritual compatibility in your relationship.
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| Mr Sunny Pee - an award winning and renowned gospel music producer and his wife Kate Pee - a powerful gospel music artist are a perfect example of a spiritual compatible couple. |
Imagine a lady from a Pentecostal church getting married to a catholic, its either she joins the man or the man lets her continue to worship in her church but in most cases this becomes an issue in the family with the man refusing her to continue worshiping in her church. I have seen a case where a man told the lady not to worry that she will continue with her church but after marriage he couldn't bear with such and asked her to worship with him in his church. She had no choice but to give in after it almost caused her the marriage.
When you are used to a particular way of worship especially from childhood, it becomes difficult to adjust to another way of worship. This reminds me of a woman from a Pentecostal church who got married to a man from an orthodox church. She worships with the man in his church but till today she still complains of not enjoying the way of worship there. The same thing can happen to anyone from either a catholic church or an orthodox church getting married to someone in a Pentecostal church.
It's either you accept it completely or you let it cause problems for you in marriage and the best time to decide weather to accept it or not is during courtship.
When you are used to a particular way of worship especially from childhood, it becomes difficult to adjust to another way of worship. This reminds me of a woman from a Pentecostal church who got married to a man from an orthodox church. She worships with the man in his church but till today she still complains of not enjoying the way of worship there. The same thing can happen to anyone from either a catholic church or an orthodox church getting married to someone in a Pentecostal church.
It's either you accept it completely or you let it cause problems for you in marriage and the best time to decide weather to accept it or not is during courtship.
Another issue arises when one denomination might seem too zealous for the other person's denomination. If this is not looked into and discussed before marriage it could lead to problems in that marriage. For instance, if a lady who has been worshiping in a church where ladies are free to wear ear rings, have their hair open and most likely wear trousers to church gets married to a man where in his church, such things are not allowed for a lady, the lady would either be ready to adjust and accept it or the man lets her be else it could lead to problems in the marriage.
There is also spiritual incompatibility even in the same church or denomination and this is in areas of spiritual growth. A single lady who wishes to marry a pastor should first ask herself if she can understand the kind of anointing the pastor has and not just to answer the name of a pastor's wife. Is she willing to support his vision and run along with him? is she ready to join him in payers and fasting when ever he asks she joins him do so? Is she ready for the endless prayers at night? If she understands all these and willing to run with him in his vision then she is good to go but where she fails to understand this, then there will be problem in that marriage and if care is not taken visions will be shattered. Same thing applies to a man who wishes to marry a woman who is very strong spiritually.
Most ladies when asked the kind of man they would want to get married to, the first thing they say most times is marrying a God fearing man which is good but then, when you as a lady does not have the fear of God in you, how then can you understand what having the fear of God is in a man? Supposing God gives you a Good fearing man as you so desire without you having the fear of God in you, then there will be problems in that marriage and vice versa.
Most ladies when asked the kind of man they would want to get married to, the first thing they say most times is marrying a God fearing man which is good but then, when you as a lady does not have the fear of God in you, how then can you understand what having the fear of God is in a man? Supposing God gives you a Good fearing man as you so desire without you having the fear of God in you, then there will be problems in that marriage and vice versa.
Sometimes is a case of one being spiritually stronger and fast growing spiritually than the other, so its either the one not growing fast learns and is teachable, else there would be problems. In this case when the stronger one in spirit calls for family worship, devotion or prayers, you might hear from the other one "I have had enough already in church so please let me be" or is frustrated when the family prayer or worship is going on and is doing nothing spiritually for the family.
Another case scenario is where one partner believes in giving and tithing but the other does not, this could lead to problems in the marriage. I once saw a story that went viral online about a man who pledged and gave the only car they had to the church but the wife not understanding his level of faith gave him no peace of mind at home until she went back to the church and collected the car keys from the pastor.
Though we are all Christians but the truth is we have different modes of worship and views . While some believe in giving and tithing, some do not believe in it. When you are used to a particular mode of worship, it becomes difficult to adjust except one learns to compromise, accept it and adjust.
Another case scenario is where one partner believes in giving and tithing but the other does not, this could lead to problems in the marriage. I once saw a story that went viral online about a man who pledged and gave the only car they had to the church but the wife not understanding his level of faith gave him no peace of mind at home until she went back to the church and collected the car keys from the pastor.
Do not be deceived to think that after marriage, the other person might change in the future. There is no guarantee on that especially when there is a big gap between you two spiritually. Spiritual growth is a function of spiritual vision. When you have a vision and committed to that vision, do not compromise it just to get married. If you are patient enough, you will see that God has a perfect help meet for you to help you grow in that vision and bring that vision to fulfillment. Some one who would really understand your kind of vision and run along with you. You don't just choose a partner because you feel he or she is a believer or born again. Imagine a spirit-filled person marrying another who is not spirit-filled simply because the other person claims to be a born again christian. Imagine the spirit-filled praying always or always wanting to preach and the other is not ready to do same. The spirit-filled might have so much to offer but it becomes like a child's play to the other person who is not matured spiritually. One person might just be too much spiritually for the other person.
Take time to discuss your faith and views on Christianity and religion so you are not overwhelmed by the other person's spirituality or lack of spirituality. When there is spiritual compatibility, trust comes easily and you both can weather any storm together that comes your way.
Take time to discuss your faith and views on Christianity and religion so you are not overwhelmed by the other person's spirituality or lack of spirituality. When there is spiritual compatibility, trust comes easily and you both can weather any storm together that comes your way.
PHYSICAL COMPATIBILITY : In the opening part of compatibility in relationships, I told you about a guy who complained about a lady with a good heart that he likes but physically, she is not what he wants. A good heart alone can not sustain love if a man does not like what he sees in a woman physically and vice versa. In Genesis 24:16, we are told that Rebekah was fair (beautiful) to look upon. Rachael was deemed beautiful in Genesis 29 :17-18 by Jacob that he had to work extra years even after marrying Leah just to have the woman he loves. He described Leah's eyes as weak but Rachael beautiful in form and in face.
Jacob loved Rachael when he saw her physically and asked for her hand in marriage but was deceived into marrying Leah, Rachael's sister but because he beheld Rachael to be more beautiful than Leah, he had to work extra seven years to get the woman he loves. He worked for fourteen years just to get married to the woman whose physical looks were more appealing to him.
Jacob still loved Rachel more even when Leah bore him children first and Rachael considered barren at the time. And when Rachel finally bore him children, Joseph and Benjamin, he loved them specially than he did his first children from Leah.
If you have already considered a man or woman not to be beautiful or handsome physically then it's best you stay off as this could lead to bigger problems in marriage. Like they say " beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." A man married to a woman he feels is not physically attractive might want to put out the lights before he gets close to her.
To so many people, physical look is less important when it comes to relationships/marriages and this is common among believers. What attracts a man or woman first I believe, its physical looks after which other things follow. If you find some one nice to look at, you are most likely to spend more time with that person but if you find some one not so nice to look at, you sometimes do not want to see the person around you. I have seen a lady who got married to a man much older than her, older in the sense that this man can be referred to as an elderly man but when you see them walking together on the streets, the lady gives him a distance. She moves ahead of him with a good distance not wanting to be seen together with him. Physical appearance is already a problem in that marriage.
Don't just get married to someone with a good character when you find every other thing faulty. If you feel or consider the Peron not to be physically attractive to you then don't go ahead because Some day, you will come face to face with the person whom you find ugly and still got married to. You will even begin to see the person's ugliness in your children even before the children start coming. And you are likely to look else where and prone to cheat when you find other women or men more attractive than your spouse/partner physically.
For some men, they prefer a slender lady while for some, they would prefer a chubby lady. For some guys I have had discussions with, they prefer a lady moderate in body size; not too fat and not too skinny. For men who like thin ladies, they have to put into consideration how the lady would look like after childbirth and during breastfeeding. Will he be willing to help bring the woman back to shape or still love her with the way she turns out after childbirth? A good friend of mine whom I had a discussion with sometime ago concerning a situation like this said to me, since he doesn't like a lady who is too chubby or too skinny, he would help bring his wife back to shape through exercise rather than look else where and that's how it's suppose to be. And for a lady who knows her husband loved the way she looked and got married to her before childbirth should try to bring herself back in shape to avoid problems in the marriage. If she is unable to bring herself back in shape completely she should at least try to look moderate in size.
Most women after childbirth tend to be careless about how they look not putting into consideration how this might affect her husband's attraction to her. If this is ignored, there will be a distance in the relationship between the couple even when still married and living together. Their relationship could become formal or be like that of a brother and sister rather than that of a husband and wife with the tendency of the man cheating on his wife when he begins to find other women more attractive physically.
A man once said, " I married a slim girl, but now I am forced to live with a fat woman who is three times the size of the girl I loved." So ladies know that when you get married and start having kids, there is the tendency in growing fatter than u were before marriage and if this happens, ensure to work on your body.
As a man, it's not a enough that the woman you want is beautiful in your eyes, you should also be concerned if she is pleased with your physical looks. She might say yes to your advances towards her but if you aren't appealing to her physically, she could be yearning for that while with you and if care is not taken, she could cheat when she finds what she likes physically in another man. Do not be deceived that married women don't cheat. The pace at which married women cheat these days is becoming alarming so as a man, ensure you pay attention to the needs of your woman. If she wants you having six packs, then go for it😊. If she wants you having a flat tummy, it is achievable with discipline in eating right and excising.
Imagine a lady who gets married to a tall, slim, well built and handsome man and all of a sudden he is huge with a big stomach or pot belly as it is fondly called, she will surely be displeased with his looks. A woman's desires on a man can wear off when he becomes something else after marriage.
There are those who hide their actual looks under cloths and make ups. This is especially true with ladies. We hear of ladies putting on artificial breasts, hips and butts not considering what happens when she finally comes to a man naked face to face. What happens when the man finds out that the hips and breasts he saw and liked where artificial? These things are what make many people, men especially, want to say they want to have a taste before marriage.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are. God who created you this way, never made a mistake. Look at your self in the mirror stark naked, accept and appreciate your physical being. It's only when you fail to accept yourself that you begin to feel inferior and start looking for artificial means to make you what you are not. You can as well build your body to feel good by eating right and exercising regularly.
Love and sex appeal are closely tied or related to physical appearance. So if married, you both can still work together on your physical looks. Have you ever seen a couple working out together? Looks lovely and nice isn't it? When a couple does everything together, from eating together, praying together, playing together to exercising together, then they stay happy together. Like they say "it takes two to tango." So it takes both couples to work together and make the marriage work.
We will stop here today. We shall be looking at moral, intellectual and sexual compatibility the next parts of compatibility series. Stay tuned or subscribed to get updates.
God bless your relationship/marriage.
Quote for the day - " And what is the right woman, the right man? Some one who wants to go in the same direction as you you do, someone who is compatible with your views, emotionally, physically, economically and spiritually." - Miguel Ruiz
Jacob loved Rachael when he saw her physically and asked for her hand in marriage but was deceived into marrying Leah, Rachael's sister but because he beheld Rachael to be more beautiful than Leah, he had to work extra seven years to get the woman he loves. He worked for fourteen years just to get married to the woman whose physical looks were more appealing to him.
Jacob still loved Rachel more even when Leah bore him children first and Rachael considered barren at the time. And when Rachel finally bore him children, Joseph and Benjamin, he loved them specially than he did his first children from Leah.
If you have already considered a man or woman not to be beautiful or handsome physically then it's best you stay off as this could lead to bigger problems in marriage. Like they say " beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." A man married to a woman he feels is not physically attractive might want to put out the lights before he gets close to her.
To so many people, physical look is less important when it comes to relationships/marriages and this is common among believers. What attracts a man or woman first I believe, its physical looks after which other things follow. If you find some one nice to look at, you are most likely to spend more time with that person but if you find some one not so nice to look at, you sometimes do not want to see the person around you. I have seen a lady who got married to a man much older than her, older in the sense that this man can be referred to as an elderly man but when you see them walking together on the streets, the lady gives him a distance. She moves ahead of him with a good distance not wanting to be seen together with him. Physical appearance is already a problem in that marriage.
Don't just get married to someone with a good character when you find every other thing faulty. If you feel or consider the Peron not to be physically attractive to you then don't go ahead because Some day, you will come face to face with the person whom you find ugly and still got married to. You will even begin to see the person's ugliness in your children even before the children start coming. And you are likely to look else where and prone to cheat when you find other women or men more attractive than your spouse/partner physically.
For some men, they prefer a slender lady while for some, they would prefer a chubby lady. For some guys I have had discussions with, they prefer a lady moderate in body size; not too fat and not too skinny. For men who like thin ladies, they have to put into consideration how the lady would look like after childbirth and during breastfeeding. Will he be willing to help bring the woman back to shape or still love her with the way she turns out after childbirth? A good friend of mine whom I had a discussion with sometime ago concerning a situation like this said to me, since he doesn't like a lady who is too chubby or too skinny, he would help bring his wife back to shape through exercise rather than look else where and that's how it's suppose to be. And for a lady who knows her husband loved the way she looked and got married to her before childbirth should try to bring herself back in shape to avoid problems in the marriage. If she is unable to bring herself back in shape completely she should at least try to look moderate in size.
Most women after childbirth tend to be careless about how they look not putting into consideration how this might affect her husband's attraction to her. If this is ignored, there will be a distance in the relationship between the couple even when still married and living together. Their relationship could become formal or be like that of a brother and sister rather than that of a husband and wife with the tendency of the man cheating on his wife when he begins to find other women more attractive physically.
A man once said, " I married a slim girl, but now I am forced to live with a fat woman who is three times the size of the girl I loved." So ladies know that when you get married and start having kids, there is the tendency in growing fatter than u were before marriage and if this happens, ensure to work on your body.
As a man, it's not a enough that the woman you want is beautiful in your eyes, you should also be concerned if she is pleased with your physical looks. She might say yes to your advances towards her but if you aren't appealing to her physically, she could be yearning for that while with you and if care is not taken, she could cheat when she finds what she likes physically in another man. Do not be deceived that married women don't cheat. The pace at which married women cheat these days is becoming alarming so as a man, ensure you pay attention to the needs of your woman. If she wants you having six packs, then go for it😊. If she wants you having a flat tummy, it is achievable with discipline in eating right and excising.
Imagine a lady who gets married to a tall, slim, well built and handsome man and all of a sudden he is huge with a big stomach or pot belly as it is fondly called, she will surely be displeased with his looks. A woman's desires on a man can wear off when he becomes something else after marriage.
There are those who hide their actual looks under cloths and make ups. This is especially true with ladies. We hear of ladies putting on artificial breasts, hips and butts not considering what happens when she finally comes to a man naked face to face. What happens when the man finds out that the hips and breasts he saw and liked where artificial? These things are what make many people, men especially, want to say they want to have a taste before marriage.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are. God who created you this way, never made a mistake. Look at your self in the mirror stark naked, accept and appreciate your physical being. It's only when you fail to accept yourself that you begin to feel inferior and start looking for artificial means to make you what you are not. You can as well build your body to feel good by eating right and exercising regularly.
Love and sex appeal are closely tied or related to physical appearance. So if married, you both can still work together on your physical looks. Have you ever seen a couple working out together? Looks lovely and nice isn't it? When a couple does everything together, from eating together, praying together, playing together to exercising together, then they stay happy together. Like they say "it takes two to tango." So it takes both couples to work together and make the marriage work.
We will stop here today. We shall be looking at moral, intellectual and sexual compatibility the next parts of compatibility series. Stay tuned or subscribed to get updates.
God bless your relationship/marriage.
Quote for the day - " And what is the right woman, the right man? Some one who wants to go in the same direction as you you do, someone who is compatible with your views, emotionally, physically, economically and spiritually." - Miguel Ruiz
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