COMPATIBILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS 3 : MORAL COMPATIBILITY

In the weeks passed, we have been looking at compatibility in relationships. We had talked about what to do first before looking for compatibility in relationships https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com compatibility-in-relationships.html and we had also looked at spiritual and physical compatibility https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com relationship-compatibility-part-2.html.  Today we would be looking at moral compatibility.

MORAL COMPATIBILITY : Humans vary in attitude and character as a result of the values, morals and belief system instilled in them or developed over time. While some people are disciplined, organized and orderly, some people are the exact opposite with a nonchalant attitude towards cleanliness and neatness. A partner who is orderly might find it difficult to live with one who is disorderly.

I have heard and seen women complain of how after tidying up the house, the man comes in, pulls his shoes and throws one leg of his shoes to the left and the other one to the right. His socks in the middle of the house scattered. As he is entering into the bedroom, his tie is thrown on the chair in the living room and when he gets into the bedroom, his shirt is not hung in the wardrobe but thrown on the bed and his pants on the floor. Another complain is when one partner goes into the bathroom to shower and leaves foams of soap all over the walls of the bathroom. It is expected by the other partner that after the man is done bathing, water is poured on the walls of the bathroom to clean off the foams of soap on the walls as a result of bathing.

A tidy, organised and disciplined person could end up frustrated living with the complete opposite person. A disorderly person has the capacity to put in disorder everything he or she touches.  The organised person, tries to put things in order but the disorganized will always unconsciously put them in disorder. A disorganized person might claim to change with time but nah it's usually difficult for such a person to change and at the end they are both frustrated living together. While the organised person is putting pressure on the disorganized to be orderly, the disorganized is as well putting pressure on the organized with his or her disorderliness. It becomes worse if the the disorganized is also dirty.

Another area in moral compatibility is the issue of one partner always wanting to be in the company of friends and the other wants to be with her husband alone. Men most likely fall into this category. They like hanging out with the guys especially at weekends and most times invites them over to have dinner at home. Now, a woman who is withdrawn and finds it difficult to fit in the crowd will find it difficult to accept this side of her husband. Some people are brought up in a closely knitted family hardly having an extended family member over while others are brought up being surrounded by people all the time having relatives and friends around. Such people find it difficult being alone for long. Its a belief system grown with over time. The partner who does not like having people around all the time must have grown up with the mindset or training from parents that he or she does not necessarily need people around to be happy or be dependent on people while the other person might be the complete opposite with the believe that you always need people around as you never know when you might need them.

Another issue is having a partner who is a giver and one who is not good at giving. The one who is not good at giving, in this case let's say the man may have planned the budget for the family to the least kobo but the wife on the other hand, has given and given to the point that she may not not be able to account for what she used the money for. Even when the woman gives account of what she did with the money or who and who she gave out some of the money to, it could result to problems in the family as the man had already had a well planned budget. On the reverse, some women, in fact most women are better planners financially than their husbands. A woman must have planned the budget for the family for the month only to find out that the man has spent most of the money on friends and probably relatives and this could result to problems in the marriage.
A partner who is a saver and a miser will find it difficult to live with a partner who is a spendthrift.  I also told you about a guy who complained about his wife who is not good at spending money. According to him, she is a spendthrift yet has no work of her own. He pays her fees in school, pays for her accommodation in school yet she is inconsiderate in spending money and finds it difficult to even get into the kitchen to prepare food for him when he comes back from work.

Some men have also complained about their wives not knowing how to tidy up the kitchen after cooking or eating. Some women do not even know how to tidy up a room and some do not know how to cook. In the introduction part of compatibility, https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com compatibility-in-relationships.html I told you about a guy who complained about his wife who does not know or does not  like cooking but would rather eat what her husband had cooked. Most men like cooked food made from home and cooked by their wives. Like the saying goes "a way to a man's heart is through his belly" so a woman who does not know how to cook or find it difficult in cooking might have issues with her husband if her husband is the kind of man that loves home made food.

There are ladies who take their time to cook meals at home, in fact, cooking is their hobby while some ladies are not patient enough to have a meal well cooked but would rather eat the food half way done but for some, they just don't like cooking or do not know how to cook. Imagine how frustrated a man would be if he is the type that likes home made food and his wife is not good at cooking.

A guy said to me that his wife hardly does any chore at home. She wouldn't cook, tidy the house, wouldn't return a missed call from her mother in-law who has taken her as a daughter and usually buys her wrappers and so on. Even when the man comes back from work, she would find it difficult going into the kitchen to prepare food. It got to a point where he had to ask her parking but her dad pleaded on her behalf. This young man decided to find out why his wife behaves the way she does and doesn't know how to do any chore at home even after having a kid and he got to find out that her father over pampered her because she was his last child. Her father never let her do anything at home and when asked to do a thing, she would cry out loud not wanting to do that task giving to her and as usual, her father would come to her rescue to prevent her from carrying out that task. Today, she is married with a kid and unable to perform her wifely duties. Her husband is trying all he can at the moment to make her the woman and wife she ought to be and as it stands at the moment, he has even threatened to send her packing if she doesn't change her ways.
There was a video that went viral online once about a lady who was ready for marriage asked anonymously " In my house, there are a lot of house helps and every household chore is done by them. Now I think I am ready for marriage but don't know how to cook. What should I do?."
The lady described above was obviously not taught by her parents on how to carry out household chores and is obviously scared of the end result when married.

Another core area to look into when it comes to moral compatibility is family background. The family background most times has a very big impact on couples. A lady who grew up in a family filled with love might find it difficult to live with one from the opposite family background. Most people tend to treat their spouses same way they see their parents treat each other. A man who grew up seeing his dad acting too authoritative and somewhat physically violent to his mum has a high tendency of treating his wife same way believing it's the right way to treat his own wife. Same thing applies to a woman who grew up seeing her mum disrespectful to her dad may likely do same to her husband. No wonder in the past, parents usually study the families of the person their child gets married to. This idea of studying intended in-laws before their children get into that family is rooted on the theory that children tend to behave  like their parents. A child with sound training will always want to do what he or she is taught to do by his or her parents and sometimes. We are most likely to do what we see our parents do while growing up.

Sunny Pee, a renowned and award winning gospel music producer and his son.
The picture above shows a typical example of a child doing what he sees his parent(s) do.

Adults in most cases exhibit in character and attitude what they have been taught to do or seen their parents do. Core values, morals and beliefs are gotten from our first point of contact which is always our parents as we grow. Little wonder why in the days back, parents would always want to study the family background of intended in-laws believing a child will only display in character what he/she has been taught by parents or seen parents to do and most likely behave  like their parents.



Quote for the day - " You don't become what you want, you become what you believe." Oprah Winfrey.

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