It's funny how we take the issue compatibility in relationships lightly. The lack of proper look into compatibility in relationships in most cases is what causes problems in marriages except one learns to adjust and compromises drastically.
A man once sent an email to me asking what he can do about a lady he likes. He said he likes her because of her good heart but physically she is not what he wants in a woman. This might sound funny to some of us but the guy already knows what he wants.
I also heard the story of an educated man who got married to a lady from the village believing she would be a better house wife but his problem was not being able to have a meaningful conversation with her. According to him " All she ever talks about and knows is who has given birth, who got married and who fought. Imagine an intellect coming home and hoping to discuss with his wife but cannot have intellectual discourse with her. He feels frustrated not being able to discuss with her about what went down during the day, the challenges he faced or encountered neither can he discuss with her about what is going on in the country how much more the world at large.
Another person also complained to me about his wife not being prudent in spending, doesn't know how to cook or handle other chores at home. While he is a miser and a saver, she is a spendthrift. She would rather eat out than cook a meal to eat at home but when the husband cooks, then you would see her eat.
Before we talk about compatibility, I would like to state it's best you know yourself.
Knowing yourself is not just knowing about your favorite foods, colors, the kind of cloths you wear or places you would like to visit. It's much more deeper and goes beyond that. It is more about knowing your values, strengths and weaknesses, beliefs, fears, interests, limitations, likes, dislikes, your temperament.
Know yourself spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, sexually, physically, morally, financially etc.
Knowing yourself is knowing what you can compromise for and what you can not compromise. It helps you to know what you want in life and in a relationship.
When you get to know your kind of person and what you stand for, it becomes difficult for you to compromise your values or standards in life. This enables you to know the kind of person you want as a partner. For instance, the success of your purpose in life when married depends to a large extent on the kind of person you choose as a partner. This person might not necessarily have the same purpose in life as you but have an understanding of your purpose and is willing to not just support but bringing it to fulfillment in life and vice versa.
In looking for a partner fit for you, you ought to know what you are, who you are and what you have to offer to your partner. Without the knowledge of yourself, you will find it difficult to get a helper fit for you.
With all mentioned above, let's see what compatibly means.
Compatibility in relationship is not just about getting along with each other but having an understanding of what the other person is made up of. It is having common interests in most things as a couple or potential couple. It is having an understanding of what and who the other person is and being able to not just accept the person for who he or she is but being able to live with the person in peace, harmony and having fun together. It is having same views of life in almost everything.
In compatibility, you may not necessarily be compatible in all areas, there might be some little differences but these differences are things you know you can cope with. Just because we are different in certain ways does not mean God will bring your way someone of extreme opposite in character. You will find harmony in your little differences, that is in areas you are not compatible and still grow in it together.
When you ignore the much differences while in courtship, you won't be able to bear them in marriage. They say "love is blind" but I have seen marriages become an eye opener for some people. You might try to bear for a while but not forever. How long can you cope?
When a woman is attracted to a man's voice and ignores other aspects, that voice will seize to attract her when he displays financial incapability or when at old age his voice becomes something else and snoring increases. Or a man attracted to a woman's physical body but the attraction will fade when she is unable to take care of the home front or the attraction seizes when the physical shape of the woman starts fading as a result of child birth and she begins to add some weight.
At this point, when there is compatibility, the man helps the woman to get back in shape and the woman is willing to also get back in shape.
Incompatibly in relationship surfaces and frustrates a marriage when during courtship, the couple spent more time eating out, watching movies and probably traveling round without exploring each other's dreams, visions, likes and dislikes. Core questions, past experiences, world views and purposes in life were not discussed.
For some ladies, a man's love is determined by how much he spends on her and for some men, a woman's love is determined by how sexually active she is. In as much as these areas play important roles in relationships but shouldn't be just a yardstick for compatibility.
Compatibility is being able to love even when the love feeling seems to have disappeared at some point may be due to anger, lack, rough days, etc.
There is that special one made for you by God but its your duty as a man to find that person and your duty as a woman to recognize the man when he comes your way. There is that special person made just for you to compliment you in almost every aspect of life. That one person that will understand you even when you seem to act childish, that one person that will stay with you through thick and thin, that one person that will help build your home and not be wasteful, that one person that will laugh at your silly jokes even when they are not funny. I mean that one person packaged and made just for you.
God will not come down and pick a wife for you or a husband for you so you don't blame Him when things go wrong just as Adam blamed God for giving him Eve after they both ate the forbidden fruit. Hear Adam, "The woman thou gavest to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree and I ate it" Genesis 3 : 12).
God already said " He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from God ". It is not the man I give a wife but he that finds a wife. God can only guide you when you ask Him for divine wisdom and direction. He says " I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bid and bridle else it will not keep with you."(Psalm 32:8-9).
So as a man, you ought to find her and as a woman you ought to be sensitive when he comes your way and if you haven't found that person, wait. Wait as long as you know what you want in life. There is beauty in waiting and patience is a virtue. Don't be so much in a haste to get involved or get married out of frustration or desperation. Do not give in to pear pressure or pressure from parents. When you get married due to external pressures, those people will only be their at your wedding but not with you in marriage. So look before you leap.
That being said, there are few people who find compatibility in their differences even when the differences are much. To them these differences are intriguing and interesting for them so for such people, they will have fun and enjoy each other's company. The bottom line is knowing yourself and knowing what you want in life. There might be so many people coming your way but because you know what you want you don't just choose any one and that does not mean something is wrong with you or them, you just know what you want.
We will stop here today but in the subsequent days to come, we will be looking at spiritual, physical , moral, intellectual and sexual compatibility.
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God bless you and bless your relationships
Quote for the day - "Don't worry about finding your soulmate, find yourself first." - Jason Evert
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