A RELATIONSHIP'S LOVE LANGUAGE

One core ingredient for the survival of a relationship or marriage is communication and for us to have an effective communication in our relationships, we must understand the love language of our partners. Understanding the love language of your partner will go a long way to give your relationship or marriage a lasting and satisfying one. Getting to know the language of your partner is so vital that it becomes hard for that relationship to collapse or for any one to come in-between you two and when you get this right, a common language is developed in your relationship.

The significance of  a common language is demonstrated in the story of the tower of babel told in the Bible. In Genesis, we see the story of a people at that time speaking one language and set themselves a task to build a city with a tower that reaches heaven. God noticed the secret behind their unity to achieve this task which was the common language they shared and had. This same language served as their strength and unifying force to achieve whatever they set their hearts on. Discovering this, God said in verse 6 "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them".  As a result, God  confused their language that they stopped understanding each other, scattering them all over the earth and that put an end to the building.

Imagine the above scenario in your relationship with your partner, understanding each other's love language. Communication, verbal or non verbal is very vital in a relationship/marriage when you understand the love language of your partner. An effective communication becomes possible only when you understand your partner's love language. When your partner is upset with you, what you do at that point in time to make him/her happy again shows your level of understanding of his/her love language.

According to Gary Chapman, There are five love languages between two partners which are;

• Words of Affirmation : This particular love language is mostly associated with women. Women are known to be moved by words. They respond faster with words like " I love you", " You are beautiful." "You look good on your dress"  and so on. Using the right words when communicating with your partner is very essential, whether in private or in public. You don't use the wrong language on your partner and expect him/her to give the best in that relationship. There are words that build the self-esteem of your partner and there are words that destroy self-esteem. Never talk down on your partner even when arguing. It's usually difficult to make amends when a wrong word is used on your partner and this can destroy your relationship. A story made the rounds of recent in social media of a woman whose husband sent her parking because she called him a mad man in public. Men love respect. They are built that way to value and cherish respect from the woman they love and once their ego is broken especially in public by the one they love, it takes only the grace of God for that relationship or marriage to be the same again. When last did you say " I love you to your partner? The things you see as insignificant in your relationship mean a lot to your partner especially to a woman. To women, almost everything in relationships make sense to her. As a man, never take light of what she deems important to her.

          Note: Never say words you don't mean  just to fulfill your selfish desires. Men  and women                  alike do this. They say nice words they don't mean just to get  something out of the other                      person.

• Acts of Service : This love language belongs to the common saying " action speaks louder than words". For some is not just about words. Its not about saying I love you but going the extra mile to prove you actually mean what you say but when you fail to prove your words and turn them into action then you have failed. If your partner's love language is acts of service, then you just have to show with actions what you say else talk is cheap.

• Receiving Gifts : For some, their love language is the act of receiving gifts. Most ladies love receiving gifts and love this particular love language. Get them gifts, then you have proven how much you love them. There are men who also love gifts a lot. You must not necessarily get a very expensive gift or give a huge sum of cash just to respond to the love language of your partner. the little things you do go a long way to make the difference in your relationship. People with this love language respond to the gifts you get them from a genuine heart no matter how little the gift is.

• QUALITY TIME : Spending quality time together is the love language for some lovers. People with this love language will never be satisfied with what you do for them until you have created a quality time to with them. You can speak all the lovely words you wanna speak or buy them the best gifts there is but when you fail to spend some quality time with them then all you do is futile. Have you ever seen where a lady gets all the cash and gifts she wants from her husband but yet complains he is never home? No matter how a man provides for his wife and family working all day and probably traveling always, the woman will still long for his presence. You also hear a man say " I give her all she needs yet she is not happy" For these people, all they want from you is quality time no matter the hustle. So, even in your busy schedule, create space to spend quality time with your significant other.

•  PHYSICAL TOUCH : There are people whose love language is physical touch, like holding hands while walking, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse. Physical touch is a powerful communication tool in relationships and marriages. If your spouse's love language especially for men is sexual intercourse, then do not deny him/her the right to have access. For others, its kissing, em race and so on. Just a touch from you makes them feel loved.

What's your love language? 

You discover your language when you complain of a particular thing your partner is not doing or you get excited the most when your partner does a particular thing for you like when he/she spends quality time with you, gets you gifts and so on.

Same thing applies to your partner's complains of you not doing a particular thing he or she loves you doing. This gives you an opportunity to understand the love language of your partner. Get to understand your partner in order to build a strong and lasting relationship.

Quote for the day - " Love is something you do for someone else not what you do for your self". -

                                  Gary Chapman

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